Wow, I didn’t realize it has almost been a month since I posted anything. Cancer has a weird way of taking away my words. I don’t always want to post negative things about when I’m feeling bad, and even when I’m not feeling chemo-sick, I don’t quite feel like myself, so I’m never sure what to write about.
Life keeps moving on. We had a really good Thanksgiving. Little Man went to his grandparents for a few days while my husband and I got a much needed vacation, then we were able to do Thanksgiving day with almost all of my husband’s extended family. We made the decision after a couple of years of marriage that we would do Easter with my extended family and Thanksgiving with his. So even though I was too sick at Easter to get to see my family, we were able to have a good time with everyone at Thanksgiving. I pooped out at the end of the day, but I was glad that we were all able to be there.
I am currently on Cycle 6 of chemotherapy. My body is so ridiculously swollen that I have bruises on my feet from wearing tennis shoes. My doctor told me to keep taking the three water pills a day I was already taking, and she prescribed me yet another water pill to take. We’ll see if it makes any difference. It occurred to me that if I actually get to come off chemo for awhile I’m going to have to figure out which pills I”m supposed to keep taking and which ones I can quit taking for awhile.
I’m getting a little nervous about my next trip to Houston, which will be on the 12th and 13th. There’s a term amongst cancer patients – particularly those in remission – called “scanxiety”. Everyone gets nervous and anxious when it’s time to have scans done, because you never really know what they will show. I’m nervous this trip, not so much about the scans but about what Dr. P. will tell me. Will he allow me to take a break? For how long? Will I have to come back to MDACC to have my scans done as often when I’m on break or is is possible to do them here? Or can the space between scans be larger?
We’re trying to work out taking an Angel Flight to Houston, so that my husband can come with me this time. They keep telling me to have a back-up just in case, and I don’t know what that means. I mean, if I buy plane tickets, I can’t get a refund if I don’t need them, right? So then what’s the point of getting an Angel Flight if I have to pay for plane tickets anyway? I don’t get it. Regardless, I really want my husband there with me this trip, as we’re not sure what the doctor will say. Not to mention he hasn’t even met my doctor in Houston. He went with me on the first trip, with my misdiagnosis, and met that doctor but was unable to return with me when I went back to meet the sarcoma doctors. My mom will come stay with Little Man while we’re gone.
Christmas is coming quickly and I’m so unprepared this year. My mom helped me get my decorations out so my house looks fantastic and our Christmas tree smells phenomenal. I make a point to play Christmas music every chance I get. Christmas is always my favorite season as it also my birthday (Dec 22nd). But so far I haven’t had any energy to do any shopping. Everything may have to come from Amazon this year. My husband and I decided not to get each other anything this year (though he says he’s still getting me a birthday gift), so that we can focus on Little Man, but I’m a bit stumped as to what to get him. We think some more pieces to his train set, but other than that, who knows? I think he’s finally old enough to understand about Santa this year, so I have to figure out which gifts are from Mama and Daddy and which gifts will be from Santa. Moms and Dads who have done this -is there a rhyme or reason to it? Is it half from Santa and half from Mama and Daddy? More? Less? And what about stockings? What do you put in stockings besides candy? Help! I need ideas!