Cancer Just Sucks

Yesterday I attended the funeral of a fellow survivor who lost his battle with cancer.  This person was part of my “extended” family – my brother’s father-in-law – and it hit me pretty hard.  This was not his first round with cancer, but this time around he and I were diagnosed around the same time.  We both fought.  I beat it.  He did not.  And it just sucks.

I went in to visit the social worker at the local cancer center to see if she had any pamphlets or something I could get for my niece, who is seven.  As we began to talk, I realized his death affected me more than I realized.  And I also realized that among the sorrow and sadness I was feeling, there was another feeling buried deep.  Guilt.  I felt guilty.  Why did I survive and he didn’t?  Why did I beat it (against all odds) and he didn’t?

These are new feelings for me.  I know that our situations are different, and I know that he is now home with our Lord and Savior, no longer suffering.  But this is the first death due to cancer I have dealt with since being diagnosed with cancer.  I am working hard to make my life a real life again, not one revolving around cancer.  But sometimes it just hits me.  Life is ultimately changed when you get a diagnosis like cancer.


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3 responses to “Cancer Just Sucks

  1. Mary Corbitt

    Praying hard for all in your sweet family.

  2. Thoughts and prayers for all of you

  3. Mama

    Remember the scripture Becky picked out for the program- “Lord, when doubts fill my mind, when my heart is in turmoil, quiet me and give me renewed hope and cheer!” Psalms 94:19. We don’t know the answer to that question, just hope and pray that it continues to be God’s will for you to be well.

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