I apologize for the length between posts, but illness has been kicking my behind lately. After I returned from Houston, I got an extra week off for my body to try to recuperate. It helped. I actually felt like myself for three whole days. It was so nice. Then I started Cycle 5 and I caught sometime really nasty. It was one of the worst things I have ever been through in my life. Every single muscle in my body was screaming at me – it was as if I had run a triathlon without any training. There were days when I sat in the recliner and didn’t move all day. Literally. I wasn’t able to eat, I couldn’t move… it was rough. I just barely kicked that when it was time for chemo again. This week is better, but it’s really more like the first couple cycles of chemo. I’m tired and sore – the flu-like symptoms I’ve come to expect. I’m sleeping ten hours at night and another four or so during the day. My days run together; I really cannot believe we’re already halfway through November.
Lots of good things have been happening as well. People have just been unbelievably generous to us. I cannot even describe how blessed we are. From the people who keep giving me Sprite (which helps with nausea) to unexpected checks or cash, to the fundraiser to coupons people give me to prayers and prayers and prayers, my family has been so amazingly blessed. I have intentions of writing thank-you notes; I just have to find a day that I feel well enough. Please know that everything you do is so appreciated.
The holidays are coming up and my husband and I are getting ready to travel. We are blessed to be able to take a little vacation at the same time. My parents have a timeshare on a condo at the beach and they are allowing us to go for a few days by ourselves. The plan is to head to my in-laws this weekend, then leave Little Man with them during the week while we head to the beach for a few days, then head back in time for Thanksgiving. I hope this time will be nice and refreshing, especially for my husband who has been working double and triple duty picking up all the slack for me. He works full-time then comes home and works much more. He’s doing 90% of the parenting, as well as preparing meals, doing the dishes, cleaning, taking care of me, grocery shopping… you name it, he’s doing it. And he never complains. God certainly knew what he was doing when he created this man for me. I thank Him every day.
Spiritually, I’ve been in real dry cycle. My prayer life has reached a screeching halt because I don’t know what to pray for anymore. I feel so completely selfish when I pray for myself. Somehow it’s okay when other people pray for me, but it just feels wrong to pray for myself. So I tend to pray prayers of thankfulness, for my son and my husband, etc. I pray for situations that come up, such as a house that burns down. And I leave this big gaping hole where I should be praying for myself and my situation. I don’t really know how to resolve it. We haven’t been making it to church a lot lately because I’ve been so tired or ill, but we made it this week and the sermon was one I needed to hear. It was about what to do when we’re in the “waiting periods” and goodness knows I’m in a waiting period. Now I just need to listen to it again and start trying to do what he said.
Pray for me. Not just for my cancer and my health, but pray that my heart would open and God would begin to work through me. Pray that I would be open and receptive and that God could bring me to the place He has planned for me.