I cannot even begin to tell you how blessed I have been through this entire process. I often look at my husband in wonder. How am I so lucky that God created this man for me? He is one of those loving, caring men I have ever known. He has been so unbelievably supportive through this entire process. And what a daddy! My son adores his daddy. One of my earliest memories of my son was of my husband cuddling and loving on him. I had a long, difficult labor, so I spent much of the next day completely out of it. I remember waking up and seeing my husband in the chair in the corner whispering to and rocking Little Man. It filled my heart with joy. I have never had any reservations whatsoever about my husband as a father, as a man, or as my love. I tell him all the time that I feel so blessed that God chose to make him for me.
When we decided to move here, we had no idea what was in store for us. Looking back now, I can see very clearly that God led us here, to this place, and him to this job. We attend the most amazing church. I cannot tell you how faithful, loving, caring, etc. our church family has been in this time of crisis. The community as a whole has stepped up in so many ways. One friend put together a yoga fundraiser for me, and another is planning a photography fundraiser. (Stay tuned!) Beyond my “local network” people all over have been so generous. Two separate knitters put together “healing” pieces for me (a blanket and a shawl), where they prayed over me as they knitted. Another is working some awesome hats for me for when my hair falls out. A family friend is taking care of all of our yard work without letting us pay him. It’s a simple way to take a load off my husband.
Before we ever went to MD Anderson, someone who attended church with us years ago sent my parents all sorts of information that has been immensely helpful. Our parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, and their significant others have gone so above and beyond. Cousins and aunts and uncles too. My husband’s family let one or both of us stay with them during my surgery and on trips to Houston if I can’t get into the hotel. I continue to be amazed at the amount of people who are helping us financially or physically. I am woefully behind on thank-you notes, but I am doing what I can. Neighbors, church members, family, even people I don’t really know(!) have volunteered to help or already helped out. I have a long list of people willing to drive me back and forth to chemo and even one friend who offered to meet my family halfway when I have to go to Atlanta! Some people have volunteered to bring meals over, and some of my friends who have recently had babies have agreed to let me cuddle their little ones, which makes me insanely happy. (Just cuz I can’t have any more doesn’t mean I don’t still have baby fever!)
Speaking of that, I recently received an e-mail from one of the ministries our church has. It is an infertility group. I don’t talk a lot about it (I might one day, but I just don’t know what to say right now), but I do grieve my loss of fertility. One of my best friends pointed out when I couldn’t put words to it that I was upset that cancer took the choice from me. And that’s true. I no longer have the option to choose to have more children. So I feel really excited about joining this group of other Christian women who understand infertility, even if it is secondary. I have also started attending a lot more women’s events at church and spending time with some really amazing women. I definitely feel like I am more blessed than any person has a right to be, in spite of (or maybe even because of) my cancer. After all, if this had never happened to me, I would never have experienced all the love God wanted me to experience through those around me. And this is what I will choose to focus on.