As the month of June draws to a close and I get closer to the time I will need to go to Houston, I realize that I am scared. It’s been really easy this month to just hide my head in the sand and pretend like all is normal. I have had a fantastic month with my husband and son, and I so don’t look forward to becoming sick again. I am currently in a Bible study at church where we are talking about what women fear. The book we are reading is not doing it for me, but the bonus is that each week I get new Bible verses about fear.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
Matthew 10 “28 Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. 29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny ? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
Hebrews 13:6- “So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?’
Isaiah 41:10 – So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
I am working on committing these to memory. I honestly don’t know what to pray for some days. Should I pray for strength? For grace? Cancer is such an over-arching thing; it takes over everything. Sometimes I let it overwhelm me. But why should I? Cancer is not bigger than my God.
As I begin to step forward into this next very difficult time in my life, I know in Whose hands I reside. He has shown us time and time again that He will always be there for us. It is often that I only see His hand when I look backwards, at events that are long past. I pray that I will be able to see His hand in the moment through this battle. And I pray that I will be able to rest in Him, not rely on my own strength.